Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Dumb things

I am not exactly the most graceful person in the world. More times than not, I will find a way for others to make fun of me. I take it well. If I didn't, I would probably go crazy. Here are a few examples...

1) I was seven or eight when I was at a wedding reception for one of my mom's cousins. I don't remember anything about the wedding, but I do remember one part of the reception. Some of the other kids and I were huddled in back of the stage. We were bored. Wedding receptions aren't made for kids that age. So we decided to run across the stage as the band played. What could go wrong? We would run across and into the room over, the old people would have a laugh and all would be fine. So we did it. Unfortunately, I was running caboose. All the other kids got through fine, but the drummer caught me. As I went by, he stuck his handkerchief in front of my face and said "Hey buddy! Where do you think you're going?" I escaped, ran over to my mom, saw a security officer out of the corner of my eye (it was a big place), and told mom we had to go. She said we would soon, but I started panicking. Somehow, I didn't get caught, but for the next few months, whenever I heard a police siren, I thought they were coming for me.

2) In kindergarten, I had to wait for my dad to pick me up from school. Usually the third graders waited outside also for their rides. There were four or five of them, and they kind of enjoyed giving me a hard time. As a six year old, I was a scrawny kid who dressed pretty bad. I made it easy for them. One day, I was out there waiting for dad when I decided to start pacing back-and-forth, walking from one end of the sidewalk to the other for no apparent reason. One of the third graders asked me what I was doing. My responce? "I'm playing with myself."

3) I also:
--shot milk out my nose laughing during a class party
--thrown up on the table at school lunch
--ran out of a classroom while throwing up
--Charlie Browned twice in a row at gym class when trying to kick a football
--held the door open for a woman to a men's restroom and said "there you go" (didn't realize it was a woman despite the obvious)
--nearly walked into the girls' lockeroom in middle school before being asked where I thought I was going (accidentally)
--the same with the girls' bathroom in high school (accidentally)
--judo kicked open a bathroom stall door in elementary school when a kid was in the stall (I thought the door was just stuck)
--forgot my speech about rainforest destruction in my freshman year of high school and started mumbling about how it was "just so terrible" for about five minutes before the teacher said I could sit down
--continually asked my third grade teacher for a Kleenex while taking the ISTEP test even though it was on her desk two feet in front of me and could reach because she told us to not get up (she got frustrated)
--broke an egg all over myself in fifth grade by playing around with it while waiting to do my presentation in front of the class with the egg
--ate a potato that had huge spuds growing all over it because I was hungry and then got sick
--hit a girl in the face playing dodgeball and made her cry and made the gym teacher yell at me
--started laughing uncontrollably during seventh grade sex education and was told to settle down
--slipped on a grape in the elementary school lunch room and did the splits. Very painful splits.
--jumped over a pile of gynmastics mats in eighth grade and wrenched my right knee (It still swishes when I bend it)
--slipped about seven or eight times my one time ice skating and bruised my right elbow so bad that it was purple for four months (I didn't know when to stop)
--was throwing rocks into the stream at the park across from my house and for some reason decided to heave one that nearly hit someone above the cliff (they yelled, "What the hell? Who threw that?")
--wrote a blog entry about all the dumb things I've done.

I also once crashed the riding mower into the front porch because my dad was talking to me. The suspension was messed up, and I never had to mow the grass again. It ended up being a good thing.


Blogger n said...


i read most of these aloud to my roommate. theyre hysterical.

9:17 PM  
Blogger Daniel Bradley said...

Yeah, I had an eventful childhood. It hasn't really stopped yet, either.

10:58 PM  
Blogger Ro said...

lol...it reminded me of my younger years...when i thought kindergarden was actually kids working in a garden...in a greenhouse...with lots of plants...and i was really excited to play in dirt all day...and of course when i got to school...i was EXTREMELY disappointed...and my life just all went downhill from there...lol

it was good reading...

warm regards,

ro :)

2:27 AM  

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