Friday, December 16, 2005

A Day in the Life of Peyton Manning, Time Traveler: Part 1

As Peyton Manning roared through the worm hole he recently discovered in his clothes closet, he wondered if time traveling was such a good idea. "What if I don't make it back in time for Sunday's game? I can't let them start Jim Whatshisface." But now wasn't the time to think about that.

The time to say "no, jumping into that worm hole might be dangerous" would have been as he stood eating his cereal, staring with a contemplative grimace on his face at the whirring flashes of light. Over and over for what seemed like two hours, he debated if whether he should jump in and see what was within. But with his wife on vacation, Peyton decided that with no one around to advise him otherwise, it might be a good experience. Afterall, worm holes looked pretty cool in the movies. And he was just generally bored and had nothing better to do.

So after putting his cereal away and dressing himself in full pads, Colts uniform and helmet, Peyton jumped. At first, it felt like a curly slide, but then turned into the rollercoaster of death as he tumbled this way and that, falling and rising. "AHHHHHHH!!! I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so....SCARED!" he screamed. Faster and faster he went until, finally, he dropped out of the sky.

"Sweet Jesus's mother killing a grizzly bear! Who are you?" asked a startled man, pointing his musket at Peyton.

"I'm Peyton Manning, quarterback of the Indianapolis Colts. Who are you, where am I, when am I and who the hell are they," our woozy hero replied.

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm Davy Crockett, it's March 6, 1836, we're at The Alamo in San Antoino, Texas, that's General Antonio Lopez de Santa Anna Perez de Lebron's Mexican Army, and we're about to die come morning," the man said.

Peyton stepped back and pondered why of all times and places he had to come here. Noticing his worm hole about to close, he rushed toward it, but it was too late. The quarterback of an undefeated football team, he would now have to attempt to lead this small band of revolutionaries to victory against Santa Anna's mighty Mexican army.

Just then, General William Barrett Travis sauntered over to Peyton and surveyed him. Travis, angered by the lack of reinforcements he requested, was intrigued at the sight of this stranger. He knew the average size of the Mexican soldier was 5-feet-1-inch, and with this peculiar giant on his side, the rebels might just have a chance. Doubtful, but possible. And so Peyton Manning was put in charge of the Texas rebellion.

Immediately, he began pointing, screaming and waving his arms to the others atop the Alamo. "BLUE 42, BLUE 42! RED DOG! SLANT 2! DOWN SET! HUT...HUT...HUT...HIKE!!!" The soldiers just stood confused at the strange helmeted man standing before them gesticulating like a madman. And Peyton realized this wasn't a football game. He asked Travis what to do.

"Lead them," Travis said, a tear flowing down his weathered cheek.

And Peyton knew the winning answer. Letting out a scream that crossed centuries of time, he summoned help. And with that, Indianapolis Colts cornerback Bob Sanders dropped out of the sky.

"What the hell, man? I was sleeping," Sanders said.

"Bob, hit them," Peyton answered sternly while pointing out at the Mexican troops.

"Peyton, I'm tired, and don't you think that changing the past and messing with the whole space-time continuum thing might not be such a smart..."


And with that, Bob Sanders whirled through the Mexican troops leaving no survivors, and the Texas rebels won and had several rounds of beers and they all lived happily ever after in their new state free from Mexico, and Peyton and Bob found the worm hole exit and went back to 2005, the end and goodnight.

# # #

I'm tired, and I had to end it somehow.


Blogger Daniel said...

Actually this would have led to Texas being a seperate country from the United States and that means no GWB.

10:50 AM  
Blogger Daniel Bradley said...

But Texas did win its independence from Mexico and became a part of the United States rather than becoming the Republic of Texas or whatever. Or am I missing something?

2:56 PM  

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